Sad At A Kids Party. Wounded Cycles.

Our hurt is individual. When I say this, I mean that our stories can not be compared to anyone’s else. No one in the world can EVER walk in your shoe. No one will EVER know what’s it’s like to be you and experience what you experience. We are individuals; we think differently, we process different, we heal differently.

Hey,

Sometimes, I would get a knot in my stomach that makes me want to race home and write. 
 
Today was one of those days.
 
I was invited to a 1 year old birthday party. I carried my nephew with me and he had a blast. A couple of hours in the party, he became friends with another handsome young boy. How? Beats me.
 
I think my nephew assumed that when the boy was approaching the mini pool, he was actually trying to initiate a game of tag or race or some kind of scream and run game.
 
Any-who… the boy looked kinda shy at first but they raced around the lawn screaming in excitement. In moments like these, I will usually have a sly smile on my face. Every mama, aunt and goddy understands this… he’s gonna be knocked out asleep before we reach home. VICTORY!
 
But, today was different.
 
I saw them running and I wanted to cry. Like that bad cry that starts off with heaving but just ends up with you loudly screaming in your pillow. Mind you, I am a naturally dramatic person but in this moment I am dead serious with you. My mind was like, “how”.
How do some people come from this childhood innocence and end up violent?
 
Recently, there was a teenager that was killed in my country. He was heavily bullied and one day a fellow school kid killed him. The news showed a picture of him in his school uniform. It was something about seeing him in his uniform that stayed with me.
 
He’s a kid.
 
A kid that was once a baby and a toddler like my nephew.
 
They laughed at some point when someone made a funny face. They cried because mommy had to go to work. They wanted hugs and kisses “just because”. They wanted to eat cold cereal and not oatmeal before school.
 
We were all like that at some point in our lives even though some of us had to face the ‘real world’ reality way before we should have.
 
Either way, I had to ask myself, “Bruh, what happened to us?!”, “Who hurt us and only made us want to hurt each other as a result?” Like, it really pains me to write this because the more I write the more this gets real. 
 
Beyyy.
 
I believe that as adults we have a responsibility to get it together. What do I mean? We should work on healing ourselves before having children. We need to evaluate ourselves and be willing to understand why we act the way we do and do we want to stay that way?
 
Okay… this really hurts me now, like on a deep level. 
 
 
Our hurt is individual. When I say this, I mean that our stories can not be compared to anyone else. No one in the world can EVER walk in your shoes. No one will EVER know what it’s like to be you.
 
We are individuals; we think differently, we process differently and we heal differently.
 
What the hell does this have to do with my almost-meltdown at the party? Everything.
 
The way you treat someone; a child, your boss, your spouse, whoever, will plant a seed in them. And usually, the way we treat others is a reflection of how we treat ourselves.
 
Today, I challenge you to become a better you. The truth is that you will never be able to properly love someone if you can’t even love yourself. And on the real, my heart broke at the party because I knew that beyond that property were broken people who carried seeds of hatred, bitterness and pure evil in them. These people will intentionally or unintentionally hurt others. I won’t even go down the road of children who have to live with adults like that. Nope. I won’t! Not tonight.
 
I finish with this:
 
Believe me, I love Jesus. That’s why I believe if we don’t start getting our acts together, this next generation is screwed.
 
Jesus, always wanted us to be free and filled with his love.
 
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11
 
Do not be deceived, love. God wants you. Always and forever. And God, being the perfect God that he is, wants you to accept his love and live in it. I believe that when we grab hold of his love and walk through the journey of deliverance and adoption(Romans 8:15-16, Ephesians 1:5, Romans 5:1-2), we could then plant and water seeds that will uplift and help others.
 
“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.” – John 15:12
 
I want you to know that the Father loves you, I know from experience that it can be hard to accept love but you can do it. If you need to sit down in a quiet room and cry it out or you need to put everything on the table, then do it. God didn’t just see what happened or didn’t happen with you, he lived it with you and he took on that pain at the cross. Also, he’s strong, he can take your emotions, pains and burdens. Yell it out, scream it out, whatever, but let it out and start the journey of healing. Why? Cause you’re bleeding on everyone!!! Also, because you don’t have to live the rest of your life in condemnation or pain. Screw the years you believe was wasted. What about the years ahead?
 
I wish I can meet all brokenhearted(even the tough ones that don’t think they are) and just give them a hug and talk with them. I’m not going to meet everyone in the world and I can’t come to everyone’s rescue, but God can.
 
I end with this:
 
“You are the people of God; He loved you and chose you for His own. So then, you must clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Be tolerant with one another and forgive one another whenever any of you has a complaint against someone else. You must forgive one another just as the Lord has forgiven you. And to all these qualities add love, which binds all things together in perfect unity.” – Colossians 3:12-14
 
Maybe the next time I go to a kids party and the pain of the reality of a broken society comes up, I will pray for them. Pray that regardless of the environment at home or at school, that they will live in a place of joy. I wish we all do.
 
p.s. There is someone who needs to read this: You forgave everyone for the wrong they did towards you but God also need you to forgive others for what they didn’t do.
 
Written: July 13th, 2019

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