Happy Hump Day!
I don’t even think people still say that but hey, why not?
So today has been interesting… a lot interesting. Shoots, this week has been a rollercoaster and not because of a particular situation but with my mind. I know right? I break it.
I put myself on a two days spiritual fast. Well… I broke it, on the first day. I broke it because I needed comfort, which was food. I was frustrated and emotional and over trying to keep up with that fast. To be honest, it wasn’t a hard fast, I was allowed to eat meat but I couldn’t go on Netflix, Youtube or any form of social media. That was hard. So I broke the whole thing, felt crummy about it too.
So I emotionally ate. I didn’t over do it, aka binge. I just made a burger that I wasn’t craving and ate it. Mind you, it did taste good.
I’m not sure exactly how not to use food as comfort. Let’s be real, food tastes good and it’s pleasurable. I can restrain myself in some cases, but when I want to cry or avoid a thought that is bothering me, it’s nice to do it with food. Maybe you guys can journey with me on how to figure that out. Any suggestions?
I thought it’s just a mind thing, a lack of discipline but I get caught in the moment and I think, “What is going to make me happy? What will make me forget my issues?” I pray sometimes but my flesh is weak. Sometimes prayer work, sometimes… I fail and give in.
Also, I’ve had an issue with food since I was young, overweight and being exposed to a negative environment. Food was something I could have when everything around me wasn’t going right? Food made me feel better and worse at the same time back then. I got it under control for some good year and even now it’s not as bad as before.
So now that I am aware, what do I do?
Usually I can go a while without using food as comfort and during one of those periods that when I was in therapy. So we didn’t really address it. Yeah, I had one or two hiccups but it wasn’t bad and I don’t binge. I just take a bite of something, cry, put on a movie and feel better.
But I’m not okay with it.
Emotional eating is real. The guilt is real. The shame is real.
I thought I just needed more discipline, more this, less of that but who knows… maybe I do need professional help?
Does that mean God is not enough?
If your child breaks their leg, won’t you take them to the doctor?
If you were sinking in quicksand, wouldn’t you want someone to help you?
If you got into a car accident and was stuck inside the car, wouldn’t you want passing cars to stop and call the ambulance?
The belief that therapy means you do not believe in the power of God is stupid and foolish.
What’s the point of doctors if Jesus said he is the great physician? What’s the point of parents, if he is our Father? What’s the point of Pastors if he is our Priest?
We all need help. It is never God or therapy. It is God and therapy.
Well… I took a left turn, lol. But I really needed people to get that. I don’t know if I need professional counseling with this, but I do know I need some kind of help. And admitting that makes me strong.