Growing Up Shy. Starting Friendships As An Adult.

Hellloooo Sunshines! Happy Saturday.

Today, I am coming to you guys with my personal top three secrets of gaining new friends and associates as an adult.

So at my church, we say this slugan, “shy is a lie”. I won’t dig into what that means in context, today. However, I can tell y’all that I was an extremely shy kid growing up. Honestly, I’m not even sure how I had friends because I was not the person who started conversations. Truthfully, I would get really scared when anyone approached me and small talk was dreadful! Like oh goshhhh. I would be so uncomfortable.

Becoming a Christian did give me a boldness that I never had before, but accepting Jesus as Lord and Savior of my life was just the start. Now… I don’t believe you have to let go of your christian friends when you get saved but you definitely need positive God fearing influence.

Anyways, as a new christian I had zero christian friends. On top of that, I finally had the courage to separate myself from the toxic friendship I had B.C. This left me with zero friends. I had Jesus, youtube and my mom. Not too bad of a combination but I knew I needed friends. The body of Christ is not a person, it’s the collective group of christians. 

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. – Proverbs 27:17

We are called to be in community. Even without all the titles, we all as human beings are called to be a part of a family (blood or notl). 

So what did I do friendless? I prayed.

Now don’t leave me, I have practical advice as well. But I was a fresh christian, I couldn’t make friends at my previous church and I was in no social clubs. I knew nothing else to do but pray. So I added a one line prayer at the end of my quiet time for a while, “Lord, please send me cool christian friends”. I don’t remember how long after I started I started to get some friends but I did gain two best friends in that season. I loved those girls. Along with them, I gained close bonds with others who weren’t invited in my inner life but still were great associates. 

Now, basically 4 years laters, I am a part of a church and I have more friends and even more associates. I thank God for answering my prayers then and now. 

So here are my other two secrets for gaining friendships as an adult. 


Do you know why it was easy to gain connection with people while you were in school, during internships or from sleepovers? Because you were consistently pushed in a room with them, several days a week, for lengthy periods, and for a common goal. It’s the same at any age. 

You don’t have to go to a bar and talk to random people. Join clubs, gym classes, a sport, a charity or a church ministry. Pick something you love to do or you’re passionate about and get around people with that same passion. No, that doesn’t mean everyone you meet will be awesome but at least you will have a starting point. Discern that person’s character and if they seem to be cool, let conversation flow or go to happy hour with them. Be yourself. Let them become friends with the real you. 


I was speaking with a close mentor of mine years ago. She was saying how an openly gay gentleman came into Starbucks and everyone was staring at him. It was obvious that he was uncomfortable and wanted nothing else to do but get his drink and bolt out. So of course, her being her, decided to strike a conversation with him. She just made a random comment and it made him laugh. They continued to talk until it was time for both of them to leave. That ended there but honestly, that story has shifted my life.

I love loving people; regardless of who you are. So I’ve used this story in my daily interactions ever since hearing it. This actually pushed me out of my shyness. It has also helped me to gain friendships. And the thing is not to be awkward. 

Like I learned from Joyce Meyers to always give people the compliment you are thinking in your head. So my agenda is to just be nice and spread true positive vibes. From that, sometimes they want to start some small talk and other times they just say thank you and smile. Either way, being nice has never failed me. It actually makes you more attractive.

So here it is. My tips on making friendships as an adult. What do you guys think? Have you ever done any of these before and do you have additional tips? Let me know in the comment section below. 

Love you ladies and gents soooo much.



I am hosting a FREE live writing session on my IG: @alieunscripted. So every Thursday and Sunday for 1 hour starting at 8pm, I will be on. Every session starts with prayer and after the 1 hour focus writing session, I will stay on for any questions you may have! So follow me on Instagram to get notifications.


  1. i see me 🙂 So, go be around people and open a conversation, possibly with a compliment. Sounds easy enough for an introvert to do a couple times per quarter!

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