Y’all it’s Wednesday!
Can I tell y’all it’s been a good day so far?
Today, I want to talk about something that is near and dear to my heart and that is healing. I love healing. The word itself makes me feel nostalgic when in reality we should be consistently evolving, which involves being healed from past trauma, relationships and mistakes regularly.
My healing journey started last year. I was super intentional; I got a therapist, my favorite word was “no” and I had real conversations with friends.
I am grateful that I had friends who were able to stand close to me while I was going through the journey. Shoots, I’m still going through the journey. So today I want to talk about some of the things I’ve learned along the way in regards to maintaining friendships while healing.
So let me say this from the get go. It is not fair for you to make your friends tiptoe around your wounds. Meanwhile, I will question that person’s love for you if you are trying to get better and they purposely and uncaringly do things they know triggers you; especially if these are avoidable. Now if you have a problem with heavy breathing and your friend is asthamtic and a bit overweight… he/she can’t help it. Come on, now.
Either way, as one recovering person to another, you are not a victim and your friends are only going to stick around for so long if you have a stink attitude. So from my experience, tried and tested, this is how you heal with your friends.
- Tell them your story. If you can’t trust them enough to tell them about your struggles then you do not need them as a friend. Forreal. You should not have gossiping friends. If they gossip with you, they will gossip about you. Do not share your secrets with people who will spread them. Also, make sure this is a close friend and not an associate. Associates are awesome, but they have not been around long enough to prove they can be trusted with secrets.
- Get a therapist. Honestly, you need to get a therapist for YOU. Making your first appointment should make you super proud of yourself. That is a strong move in the right direction. This move also shows your loved ones that you are serious about getting it together.
- Invite your friends on the journey. If you have a therapist, I would say to ask them how much they believe would be best to share and talk about but I believe every therapist would tell you that it is important to stay connected to people. Progressing from the first point, you are willing to invite them into the walk of healing. Practically, talking to them and letting them keep you accountable.
- Let your friends know when you are having a bad day. One day I was a mess after work. I was mad and I knew I was mad so I decided NOT to talk to my friend who was carpooling with me because I didn’t want to snap at her. I tried hard not to act annoyed but that day my boss pissed me off and I was sweetly over it. During our ride she asked to get dropped off early and I knew it was because of my attitude. That night I apologized to her. She told me that being mad didn’t bother her, that’s human nature, but she was upset that I didn’t talk to her about it. I told her I wasn’t ready to talk at that point and she said that is also okay, but at least articulated that I was angry. Words people words.
- Misdirect anger is not cool. Do I really need to explain this? I think not.
- Have tough conversations. Back to the tiptoeing part I mentioned above. Yes, your friends should not tiptoe around you, but sometimes your main squeeze will still need to learn boundaries, aka, I love you but you can’t do that around or to me anymore. Even if it’s something innocent. For example, y’all I hate passive aggressiveness. UGH! And even passiveness bothers me. I am a straight-up person. Just tell me. I can’t stand around-the-bush conversations. So, last year I had to talk to one of my close friends because she used to passively throw jeers about us not talking enough. Let’s just say I nip that quick.
I hope this helped you guys make a couple of steps in the right direction. On your journey, share with me below how you managed to maintain friendships while on your journey of healing.
Love you guys sooooo much!!!
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