I believe now that sometimes we just gotta jump in faith and trust what you say the first time. This doesn’t mean to be rash in thinking but it does mean that I have to discern your voice and “just do it” :)
I really need to say that more often. Right now, I am saying thank you for AlieUnscripted. This blog goes way beyond me.
I am not blind and I am not confused… at least not anymore.
I know that this is your platform. You are gifting me this opportunity. God, you know being a public figure was never my thing. But I thank you for choosing me… more times than I could count. In the past, I would say this with my lips but my actions did not match up to this belief.
I pray that I become more fearless and strong. I pray that I don’t allow the opinions of man to stop me from doing your will. I pray I don’t become judgmental or worldly liberated. I pray that I do change and grow.
Quite frankly Papa, I don’t really like my old self, probably because my old self never really liked herself.
But You came and You changed all of that.
God, I want to love. I want to love the unlovable. I want to help people. I want to hug a LEPER! I will, one day, many days! I want to be free enough to love those that religious people wounded. I want to love those who have never been loved (by man). I don’t want to hurt people but I know that I, as well as anyone with a pulse, has the ability to.
God, I won’t lie. I don’t want to mention certain things about my past. However, this womanish season has really made me bolder. I careless about what people think but I am strong enough to say that I still have a tiny part that cares. I pray that breaks in the name of Jesus.
Even as I write this, I don’t have this blog all figured out. But I used too much of my life (I won’t say wasted) trying to figure out my next move before walking on the stage. This only ever resulted in the lights turning off and everyone leaving before I ever jump on the platform. I don’t like that, God. I believe now that sometimes we just gotta jump in faith and trust what you say the first time. This doesn’t mean rush execution but it does mean that I have to discern your voice and “just do it” 🙂
I have peace and joy and liberty.
There is joy in my heart that comes from focusing on you and not my situations. I want to end this entry in a cool way so here it is.
Papa, you own my heart. I know you love me and I know you will use me. I know that you love this world and I know you want this world to know the real you. I am yours Papa, forever. Your weapon and your beloved daughter. Use me. Keep me sane. Never let your covering leave me and help me to do what you say.
P.s. I really love you Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Thank you God for continuously teaching me vulnerability. I may fail at times but you will be my personal guide. (Isaiah 42:16 MSG)
Written: June 29th, 2019